Laughter is the Best Medicine

I have really decided that I do not know the meaning of normal anymore!

If having a normal life means, getting up the same time each morning whether you are working or not and have your day already planned, but it feels like you are on an unmaned ship and someone else is at mission control pushing the buttons changing the plans and directions for the day. The ususal bed time at our house is 9:00 to 10:00pm but that doesn’t neccesarly mean you will get to go to sleep then.

My mother has started having dreams or sometimes nightmares, that keep me ever concious to a degree in case I hear a scream or fall. She may decide to take the dogs out at 2:30 in the morning when it is extremely dark and dangerous to go outside and fall and hurt herself, or she may start screaming that there is a man in her room and I run through the house with a baseball bat in hand only to find out later that it was a nightmare. The other morning she was dreaming that she was in a boat jumping to saftey into another boat and fell out of her bed. Now this wouldn’t be so bad but, she is 4′11″ tall and her bed sits up off of the floor about 4ft, she climbs stairs to get into her bed. When she woke up she was staddled across the steps, It was by the grace of the Good Lord that she did not hit her head on the nightstand that could have been tragic.

Now this is after having 3 back surgeries, a knee replacement and a stint put into the main artery of her heart. I thought raising kids was sometimes tough, it is so much harder raising a parent. I try and keep her as active as I can when she is feeling half way decent. Like last night I made a yellow squash caserole for our Thanksgiving Dinner at work and she was feeling really useless, I pulled up a chair at the table and put a peeler in her hand and asked her if she minded sitting there and peeling the squash and chopping the onions up for me, she wsa thrilled to death. She just needed to feel useful thats all. Now when I cook the family dinner for Thanksgiving, I will have everything organized on the table and let her do what she feels like doing and then she can go take a nap until it is time to load everything up and go to my daughters.

When she feels needed her dispostion is so much better and life is easier around the house. But when her blood sugar is up or she is confused & tired look out. I cannot leave the room fast enough. I leave the room and take a deep breath and relax for a minute then work on lowering her blook sugar and encourage her to lay down and rest for awhile, and hopfully we avoid another crisis.

When my mother was taking care of my father at home after he was diagnosed with alhizmers, I watched her pretty much go through what I am going through now with her. But he was so funny. At least it was funny then. He would come up and whisper in my ear watch out for your mom she is on the warpath, or he would try and do somthing to help out and always seem to get in trouble. I remember being over at the house one summer and my son and I were painting some lattice to be hung on the front porch for my mother and dad was in the backyard with us playing with the dog. He had gone inside the house and did something that really angered my mother, she came out that side garage door with fire in her eyes and my dad looked at me and and said boy you did now. She started yelling at me for something that he had done and he just stood behind a tree looking at me and laughing his tail end off.

They do seem to go back to a childish state and this does break the usual depressing state of mind. You have to laugh or cry and I would much rather laugh.

I hope your day is a good one. Remember to Laugh

Laughter is the best medecine!

You know when you are getting older when you use to go to your mothers house for the holidays and she would cook the main course and you would bring the side dishes and the kids to enjoy the company and dinner. Now I am the one cooking the whole dinner and taking it to my daughters house for everybody to enjoy.

My mother is still panicky about catching the flu virus, so it will be a toss up of whether I can get her to leave the house and go to my daughters and chance being in a crowd of relatives and the possibility of catching the flu, since she has no immune system to deter this bug, or will she be excited about getting out of the house and seeing everybody and a different scenery and we can leave when we want, or will she still start an argument of why should she leave her home to go to somebody elses home when I made the whole dinner there, and refuse to leave but doesn’t want anybody else to come over there because she might catch the flu.

You have heard the statement : I Can Never Win For Losing! This quote should have been made for me.

I have to always be prepared with several different scenarios,

1. We are taking the dinner over there so we can leave when we want to, and we will still leave some of the food at our house so we have leftovers.

2. This way if the noise of the kids makes you nevous, we can leave when you want.

3. I don’t have to make the house spick & span since I am doing all the cooking and taking it to my daughters.

4. She needs to get out of the house and see different scernery it helps with her disposition.

My daughter will probably be moving to Washington DC with my grandchildren and this will probably be the last Thanksgiving Dinner she has cooked by me in awhile, since it is a permanent move. I am extremely close to my daughter and grandchildren and this will nearly kill me, but it will be a great thing for them. My time and place right now is taking care of my mother, but look out when my time is done it will probably be feet don’t fail me now. I have wanted grandchildren from the time I had children, and I have to be near them. You never know what tomorrow holds so I will treasure everyday I have with my mother, my own children & my grandchildren. You know someone has to be around to tell the old stories.

Like when I was young, or when your mother was a young girl, or when I took care of your grandmother. I am a big fan of passing it down through the family the memories that never need to be forgotten.

Enjoy your families at this time of the year and Gobble up that feast before you. It may not be there next year.

My mother was raised up in a very small town about 30 miles N. of  Enid Oklahoma. Her mother passed away when she was barely 2 years old and was raised by her grandmother. With very little income and very little means to buy the luxuries that we take for granted everyday.

My father passed away in 2004 and made sure that she would be provided for and never have to worry about paying the bills. Well one of  my mothers best friends is the Home Shopping Network and all of their daily specials that they have.

She has their channel on the TV almost worn off of  her remote control because she uses it so much. She will watch a program on TV and during the commercials surf back to the HSN Network. She knows the hostess by their first name and what hour they will be on, she can tell you what the special of the day is. If she calls in and happens to get picked to talk to one of the hostess on TV they recognize her voice.  This Terrifies Me!

We are coming up on the holiday season and she has been shopping for Christmas Gifts since the begining of the year, and she has meant well, thinking that all of her shopping would be taken care of long before the holiday season gets here. The problem is, she forgets what she got for which person and where she put it. Or she will accidently order the wrong number off of the TV because her sight is not that good anymore and forget to say Janice I need to return this, until I accidently find it while I am cleaning, and its too late to send back.

I have seen some really really ugly things that she has purchased. But It Was A Todays Special! But thank goodness the family just looks at it alittle strange when they open the present and graciously say thank you Granny. Remember  it is not the gift that counts, its the thought.

I think its a joke for the UPS driver when he delivers a package to our front porch, when he sees me he just smiles this ear to ear grin and bounces back into his brown truck and off he goes fully knowing that he will probably be back again tomorrow with another package.

One thing I have learned that you do not say to an elderly person is, there is a sale at…. or have you seen the clearance rack at.…. or did you see the todays special! I am always so grateful when the holiday seasons are over then I can just relax because I know I made it through another holiday season.

Everyday is a different day at my house, how about yours.

Smile I Do! Laughter is the best medecine!

I have always loved the holidays and all the emotions, the highs and the lows. From the moment I hear the first Christmas song, I am singing through the holiday season and loving every minute of it. Of course the last six years have brought new meaning to the word Holiday Seasons, and I have learned to cherish every one of them even more. I have heard it said that  you are never too old to learn, and it is very true. I found that when I moved in with my mother and started taking care of her, I was very selfish, I did what I wanted when I wanted and all I thought about was me. But I have learned a deeper understanding of the words Love, Friendship & Caring.

As a mother you learn to wear many hats, you learn to love your child more thatn you love yourself and to be a teacher, disciplinarian, doctor, lawyer, referee and so many more. After taking care of my mother these past years I have learned that there are even more hats to  be worn.  To be more  compasionate, loving, forgiving, understanding and a very good listener. She will not always be there to tell me the stories of her childhood or to refresh my memory of the past stories that I have forgotten.

She may not be able to stand in the kitchen and bake like she use to, but she will sit at the table and help me to prepare anything she can. this makes her feel good  and still needed. She helps me make out the “Family Christmas Wish List” and I go and do the shopping. I pick up all the wrapping utensils and she chooses which paper and bows for me to put on which gift. We make out the dinner list together and I do the shopping and most of the cooking & baking but I really don’t mind because she is still here..

I get out the tree and decorations and I decorate and sing as I do it and she watches and listens and taps her foot to the music. I guess we have a pretty good relationship.  I know I will always be able to treasue it.

In January of 2005, my mother rcceived a formal letter from the bank that she had been declaired dead! My father had been in the Veterans Center since Feb. of 2003 with Alhizmers and passed away on Dec. 4, 2004. My father was retired Civil Service and retired Military and his checks had always been direct deposited from the office of Personel Management of the Military.

I was at work, and I received a frantic call that she had been declaired dead and that all of my fathers checks that were direct deposited that she received monthly were being returned to the office of Personel Management as dead and spouses could not receive retirement checks.

Now could you imagine receiving a letter stating that you were declared dead and your not. It had to be one of the creepest feelings in the world. Of course when she called the bank, they said she would have to prove that she was still alive. That they received notification from the government that she was deceased. Well this one of many emergncy trips that I have made home. I picked up my mother along with my fathers death certificate and their marriage license and called material management on my way to the bank.

Of course the office of material management did not send a letter of notification, they would have to have a death certificate as proof. I knew what happened, they confused my fathers death with my mother, but I had to prove it. So I had the office of material management in the process of faxing the information to the bank while I was in route.

We walked in and this nice lady at customer service looked at us and politely asked may I help you. I smiled and said yes thank you. After we sat down in front of her at her desk and she was settled in her chair, she asked, now how may I help you. I looked at my mother and then at her and said well I need to get my mothers account reinstated as your bank has declaired her dead, without a death certificate.

The look on her face was priceless, her jaw dropped to the floor. Immediately without researching anything, she started to assure me that the bank would not do return checks that are to be directly deposited, without the offical paper work (death certificate) as proof.

Of course as she was sitting there trying to tell us that they did nothing wrong, her fax machine went off beside her, addressed to me, this letter was telling me that they were resending my fathers checks for my mother along with a copy of the letter that the bank had sent, stating that the bank was returning my fathers checks as they had a copy of her death certificate on file. The lady handed me the paper work without reading it, she just saw my name and gave it to me.

I read it and said that we were withdrawing all of my mothers savings out of that bank and taking it to another bank, she looked at me in shock and asked why, I handed her the fax sheet to read. She started stuttering and saying that there must have been some mistake. I asked her politely again to withdraw from the acct. and if she said anything else I would close all of my mothers accounts in the bank. My parents had been there for 30 years.

If she had just been honest with me and told me it was done in error, I would have said I understand and asked that everthing be taken care of and been on my way. She looked at my mother and said well Ms…… is this what you want to do? My mother looked at her and said, my daughter handles my private affairs and she has asked you to close my Savings Acct. so please do it.

Nobody wants to leave this earth too soon, but to be declaired dead and be able to read about it would be even harder to take. The moral of this story is, to read all the paperwork that your loveone gets and cross all the T’s and dot all the I’s this could happen to you.

Remember to laugh it really is the best medecine!

My grandchildren and my mothers great grandchildren are heavy into soccer and I love it. My two oldest grandchildren have been playing soccer since about the time they could walk.

I love going to the soccer games and hooting and hollering for them and in most case’s running up and down the side lines along with them. But in order to go to the soccer games, I have to take my mother with me.

We have a wheelchair that I would carry in my car, so when we went somewhere my mother always had transportation and I would push. Have you ever tried to push someone in a wheelchair across a soccer field that has multi of soccer fields and yours just happens to be on the far end? ITS NOT EASY! I have to have help pushing her because the ground is not even and there maybe wet spots or big dips that you have to push her through.

And then my mother started complaining how sore she was after the soccer games, and I didn’t understand how she could be sore all over her body until I started paying attention. It was like watching one of those dogs with the bobbing heads in the back of a car window bobbing up and down as I pushed her across the soccer field. Then I started noticing how sore I was after the game, I guess it was just as bad on my pushing her over that soccer field.

But if she didn’t go to the game, it was very hard for me to go and I love to watch those babies play. I could go but pay the price latter when I got home with the attitude she gave me. So I started looking into battery operated scooters that would run well over fields. The scooter store and I started having some heavy conversations. I took mom over and let her test drive some of the scooters, after 5 minutes inside the scooter store I recommended to the Sales person that we let her practice outside in the parking lot. I really thought that she would run over some body or hit something inside of the store that I really didn’t want to have to buy.

She decided on one and we were so excited that she would be able to transport herself that we could hardly stand it. The first thing she did was try and go down the steepest hill around, there were lower parts of the ground all around but she wanted that hill. I don’t know if it was the thrill of a roller coaster ride or just to watch my white hair get whiter. All I could imagine was her fying one direction and the scooter the other. I ran up and walked beside her, if she fell she would fall on me which would be softer than the ground. She made it down the hill and looked at me like a cat that just ate the canary with that cheezy grin.

Our kids won the tournament and I still am wondering if that scooter was a good move or not. The scooter rides in the back of my car and goes whereever I go. I still think that it should be a requirement to take a scooter drivers course when you buy one.

Remember to laugh!

When I moved back home 6 years ago and started living and taking care of my mother after 30 years on my own it was quite an adjustment. I had my own home and my time was my own and I basically came and went as I wanted. My last child had graducated from highschool the previous spring and my obligations were only my own.

That is when the world suddenly turned upside down and I felf like I had a constant case of unbalanced equalibrium, I was totally off balance. I did what I had to do, I sold my house and moved in with my mother as her health would not allow her to be by herself and not cause constant worry for me or the neighbors. We has an extremely observant neighbor that doesn’t seem to miss very much around the neighborhood and when she does not see my mother or hear from her I would get phone calls, I never knew if she fell or had a Diabetic attack or whatever, it was much less stress on both of us for me to move in with her, or so I thought.

Once you are someone’s child you are generaly always treated like that child. I no longer had my own life. I am the caregiver but I have to let her feel like she is still running the household, even though she knows that I do 98% of everything that is done. It was really difficult at first and we really butted heads alot and sometimes we still do but it is much easier to get along together now. That is unless her Diabetes is out of control, if her sugar is high that little 4′11″ lady can really trip my trigger.

We have learned what is her space is her’s and what is my space is mine. Mine is my bedroom, it is my santuary from the world outside and my safe haven. Her space is the rest of the 4 bedroom house that we live in. We have cried & laughed and gotten upset at each other many times but always turn around and say I Love You!

Now if I am not around her, she is lost or is alittle bit off balanced. I am kind of like her rock of Jabralter, I fight her battles for her, whatever they may be, I handle her personel and business affairs as well as all of the maintance around the property.

I call her and let her know if I will be late coming home from work, or find out if she needs anything from the store. I noticed that she is more observant than she use to be, she has started noticing how much I do and trys in her own way to do what she can to help.

Example I wash the clothes and put them in the dryer then bring them into the sunroom and she will fold them, then I will put them up. Even though all she did was fold them, she feels like she did something and that is a good thing.

We have many adventures together and some that I don’t wish to happen to anybody else. But this is my life for now and I try and laugh several times all day long. It helps to heal my frustations and and keep my attitude in check.

Laughter is the best medicine at the end of the day!